The Muse took some Metamucil and this is the result.
Our li'l duck herder has led a difficult life... after all, have YOU ever tried herding ducks for a meager living? However, after years and years of practice, Our Hero has learned a few tricks of the trade and everyone in his poor, dirty village are in awe of him and his talents. They call him The Duck Whisperer in reverent tones. He's the closest thing to royalty this backwater town has ever seen, and many think he's next in line to inherit the throne from Queen Elizabeth.
But his abilities have angered the local witch woman (you knew there was guano be a witch, right?). Witchy Woman hates ducks. The bottoms of her shoes are mucked up with duck poo. She can't stand the sound of ducks quacking. And quite frankly, the ducks swim around in the town's only water hole, making the water unfit to drink or bathe with. She plots The Duck Whisperer's downfall.
One day, the Duck Whisperer (Our Hero), notices a new little duck in his herd. She's different from all the rest. Gold and silver threads lace her lustrous feathers. She's dainty and always looks directly at him when he talks to the herd of ducks. Her eyes sparkle emerald green at him, and before he knows it, the Duck Whisperer is in love.
With a duck.
But something odd happens one night, in the light of the full moon, and the Duck Whisperer can't help but believe he's seeing things. His precious couldn't possibly take human form, and those weren't gold and silver coins and emeralds that cloaked her nakedidity. The next day, his precious is just as she should be. Quacking for him to hurry up and carry her to the pond.
This happens for three months, and not once does the Duck Whisperer feel the urge to go rip her robe of coins and gems away from her, to hoard the wealth for himself. He might be poor, but he knows and illusion when he sees one. And the next day after these odd events, he treats his precious as kindly as ever.
Upon the night of the 4th full moon, the Duck Whisperer hears a feminine voice calling to him.
"Stanley... Stanley! My hero! You have saved me. You have broken the curse the evil Witchy Woman placed upon me."
The Duck Whisperer, scarcely believing his eyes, reaches out to touch her. She's real. Warm. Featherless.
"The riches of my robe are now yours, for you were not greedy. You took care of me and pampered me, day in, day out. The Witchy Woman thought to encumber me with a lover who wanted me only for my wealth, and had you tried to take my coins and gems from me these 3 months past, her magic would've bound me to you against my will. Because of your restraint, I am free to choose my lover, Stanley. And I choose you!"
They embrace and kiss, and above them, fireworks light up the early morning sky as they declare their undying lurve for one another.
Um... gee. Can't decide how I feel about the manner in which the Muse chose to unconstipate herself. :O