Thursday, September 13, 2007

Buggy Hyperbole

I have a black cat--- Bug Chaser and Tormentor Extraordinaire--- who routinely leaves me dead cricket bodies all over the place. I have no idea how these dumb crickets are getting into the house, but once they cross the threshhold, they are Fair Game for the Meow Monster.

She stalks them.

She bats at them with her paws.

She chases them.

She bats at them with her paws some more.

And eventually, the bug does the only thing it can to escape. It dies.

Now, having recently stepped on one of her offerings (thank God I had shoes on, because it made a mess. Icky.), I can't say as I have much tolerance left for her Search and Destroy All Bugs Mission. (Did I mention how grateful I was that I was wearing shoes when I stepped on the dead cricket? Huh? Well, if not, consider it said.)

So there I was this morning, getting ready to face the day (a day that came way too early, in my not so humble opinion), and what did I find?

A cricket the size of the state of Rhode Island clinging to the wall by the bathroom door. This poor cricket had only one back leg. Clearly, the only conclusion I could come to was this cricket was another of the Meow Monster's victims. Luckier than most, as it was able to climb up the wall to get away from her.

However, as you can well imagine, I was less than thrilled to see this Rhode Island-sized bug on my wall. Right by the bathroom, where I was getting ready to face the day. So, I did the only thing I could do.

I peeked into my middle son's bedroom to see if he was awake.

He was.

I said, "Hey! Come get this cricket! It has only one leg. It's on the wall by the bathroom."

Now, Mr. I Never Met A Bug I Didn't Like wasn't quite fully awake, because he missed the "On the wall by the bathroom" part.

He dutifully climbed out of bed, wandered into the hallway, squinted at the floor and announced, "All that's left is the leg."

Yikes! The leg is still on the floor? EEEEWWWWW!

Me: "Look on the wall."

So he did. And, like a good son should, he took care of the Bug Situation for his bug-a-phobic mother.

When next I saw the Great Fuzzy Black Hunter, I said to her, "If you're going to play with the bugs, Meow Monster, you shouldn't let them get away from you. Bad ol' bug. Bad. It was as big as you were."

The Meow Monster's Official Comment?


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