Sunday, February 03, 2008

Love Scenes, 101

Writing Love Scenes 101

1. Pick a paperbag that will fit over your head comfortably.

2. Cut a couple of breathing holes out so you can, yanno, breathe.

3. Add moustache to decorate and procrastinate the commencement of writing Paperbag Scene.

4. Put on mood music, and change mind about mood music 10 times before going back to the first CD you put in to play.

5. Look at children and remember that your hero needs to use protection.

6. Decide your paperbag needs eye holes and cut those out.

7. Put paperbag back over head.

8. Scream at husband and children that you're REALLY gonna start writing now, and you'd appreciate it if they leave you alone. Lock door, just in case. If no lock, move heavy furniture in front of door to block it closed.

9. Have a panic attack because you blocked yourself into the room, and what if there's a fire? Check the window to make sure it opens. Find heavy object to throw through window to break glass because window doesn't open. Put heavy object on desk and promptly forget why it's there.

10. Make a sticky note lists: "Use senses. What are the senses? There's the 6th, um..... hearing, uhhhhhhhhhhh, seeing, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, touching. Oh yes, touching is good." And "Emotion. How can characters connect emotionally while boinking, aren't they too busy boinking to be emotional?"

11. Scream at husband, who is pounding away on the door that no, that a poopy diaper isn't going to kill him, but you are if he doesn't stop pounding and leave you alone.

12. Turn music up because now kids are pounding the door, along with the husband who thinks the poopy smell will kill him soon, and the air quality control folks will be there any minute to cart you all to jail for polluting the air.

13. Read WIP to remember what you were gonna write about, then review sticky notes. Have an "Ah-ha!" Moment.

14. Put hands on keyboard and notice the heavy object you have on your desk and stare it, wondering why it's there on the desk.

15. Sing along with your mood music, to drown out the sound of family pounding on door.

16. Commence writing Paperbag Scene.

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