Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Summer Classes...

...I recently received a funny email about "Summer Classes For Women..." and decided that there was clearly a need for "Summer Classes for Men." So, I wrote one up and here it is.

Spring Classes for Men at the Local Community College

How to Purchase Feminine Products for Your Wife, Girlfriend, Female Significant Other
A One Day training course, 9 am-5 pm, Saturday. Bring a lunch. Class will consist of training films, discussion, role playing and finally, a field trip to demonstrate mastery of the curriculum. 1 credit.

Sink Rinsing

This four week class meets T/Th. Sink rinsing basics will be covered, including How to recognize that the sink needs rinsed; How to recognize and utilize the sprayer without flooding the surrounding counter tops; Ajax and it’s many uses; Support group available. 2 credits

Recognizing Common Household Cleaning Tools

This two month class meets 3 days a week, M/W/F. This class must be taken in conjunction with the weekly lab (Use of Common Household Cleaning Tools, lab is 1 credit.) Men will be familiarized with common household cleaning tools such as sponges, vacuum cleaners (and their attachments) and various cleaning products (ie toilet bowl cleaner, Windex...etc). Lab will teach practical application. 3 credits.

What to Do When the Phone Rings

This 1 day course meets 9 am- 5pm, Saturday. Bring a lunch. Men will learn to recognize the various ring tones of phones of all types and will learn how to not give into the urge to yell, “Honey, the phone’s ringing!”. Films, discussion, telephone courtesy, roll-playing and practice (at the home of Professor Isla Teachyousomething, where Prof. Teachyousomething’s aide will place phone calls to the various and assorted telephones so the men can practice answering.) 2 credits.

How to Put the Toilet Seat Down and Replace an Empty Roll of Toilet Paper
Round table discussion, meets weekly to cover such basics as “What is a toilet seat and how is it lowered?”; “How to recognize an empty toilet paper roll.”; “Over or under? Debates over the proper direction for the ‘hanging toilet paper chad.’” ½ credit per week round table discussion attended.

Surviving Dance Recitals, Piano Recitals, Band Performances, High School Football Games, Open House...
Support group for men who find themselves at dance recitals, etcetera, on a regular basis. Meets every Wednesday, 7 pm, unless the moderator has to attend a dance recital, piano recital...

Buying a Birthday/Anniversary/Just Because Card and the Art of Purchasing Flowers
This two month course meets 3 times a week, M-W-F, with the final Friday class being an outing to demonstrate mastery of the concepts taught. Bring your PDA’s, Blackberries, or whatever you use to schedule your work calendar. The different occasions that merit cards will be discussed, as will the art of purchasing flowers with applications of “Getting out of the Dog House” and “Just Because I Love You, Honey.” 3 credits

How to Respond to Such Questions as “Do these pants make my butt look fat?”
This 3 month class meets twice a week, M-W. Concepts addressed include how to recognize a question there’s no right answer for, the art of the manly grunt, how to recognize when you’ve given an incorrect answer and the steps you must take in order to extricate yourself from the dog house. The final will be a practical application wherein men will be required to demonstrate their mastery of course content. 3 credits.

Don't delay, sign your man up today!

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