Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Viagra for Writers

Sherry: "Are you writing today?"

Laura: "Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Lessee, what have I done today that's kept me from writing?

1. Meeting at school with my oldest's counselor.
2. Erranding---going to the post office, returning plumbing stuff to Lowes that we didn't need, entering the netherworld of Walmart, going out to lunch with my husband, picking kids up from school (it's early dismissal Tuesday, the most abusive day of the week that requires I fetch my children back from school before 1 pm. My oldest will start his early dismissal Tuesdays on the 29th, getting out a whopping 40 minutes early, but I digress)...
3. Blogging.
4. Spelunking. (Read: obsessively compulsively checking the bat cave at eHarlequin.)
5. Helping kids with homework.
6. Listening to Elton John. Yes, this is an important part of my day.
7. Barking at the dog. (What? Her expression is absolutely comical when I bark at her. It's like---"What the heckadoodle is Mommy doing, barking at me? Does she even know she just said 'the waiter is wearing paisley soup underwear on his head' in Dawgish?)

Sherry's response to my laughter over her question was to email me the Hairy Eyeball Smiley Guy. My response? I told her I'm hiding from her. And I called her a Meanie. Mature, huh? But in my defense, she's downright scary when she thinks I should be writing and I'm not. Really. I'm twitterpated. I ask you, could YOU write with Sherry sending you Hairy Eyeball Smiley Guys in the email? I think not.

Seems I made the mistake of starting a WIP, and sharing the start with her. Now she thinks I need to 1) Finish it and 2) Send it to her for her entertainment. Okay, I'll admit, I sent it to her as I was writing on Saturday, because she's just so ding danged cute when she puts on her cheerleading uniform and shakes those pom poms in the air---"Go, Laura! Write more! Go Laura! Write more!" Oh... the pressure. Too bad they don't make Viagra for writers, yanno? How else am I to keep it up when life keeps infringing on my writing?

So, now she's demanding to know if I'll "be online this evening". I think the only reason she wants to know is so she can pester me in real time via IM with comments like "Are you writing?" and "How about now?" and "Make Mr. Laura take the boys to the park so you can write." and "You have all that time after you chase everyone to bed, yanno. I know you, you're a night owl, and there's nothing worth watching on TV tonight, so you might as well WRITE." She's correct about there being nothing on on Tuesday nights, unless I have a great burning desire to watch the Duggars on TLC, and I just can't take that show. Any woman who has 18 children who doesn't speak in a constant high pitched scream makes me very suspicious. No one has the much patience, and if they do, I want to know what medication they're on, so I can have patience, too.

But I digress.

I should be writing.

Instead, I'm blogging, watching the clock so I can leave in plenty of time to park at the strip mall down the street from the school, where I can sit in my minivan, sweltering in the heat until my son moseys my way.

Oh, and if you're Sherry, reading this, (clears throat)...I am writing. Yes. (Nodding emphatically). Yep. Gathering up all my thoughts so I can write when I get home from my last imitation of a school bus. Yep.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it like discarded gum to the bottom of a shoe.

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