1. Laundry is highly over-rated. Really. As the mother of sons, I can tell you, they're happiest when I'm not reminding them to change their undies on a daily basis.
2. If the dishes must be done, it's much more fun if you watch a KID do them. Really. Very entertaining.
3. There is only one time and one time only that is the best time for your husband to sprain his ankle. And that time is the weekend before your long-planned and awaited Chickation.
4. Growing new toenails is painful. Especially when they grow right into your toe. Just sayin' is all. Recommend you avoid this if at all possible.
5. You know you're working on a good WIP when you can jump right back into it after having sadly neglected it for a few weeks. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
6. There are no adjectives, adverbs or any other parts of speech which can adequately describe how I feel about driving on freeways. Really. There aren't any, I've looked for 'em. Non-existent.
7. It only becomes important that you've worn the letters right off the keyboard when someone who can't touch type needs to use it. (Which would be just about everyone in my family.) *I* know where the letters, are, so what's the problem?
8. Why do teachers insist on assigning homework during the last 2 weeks of school? Do they REALLY think the kids are going to do it, or that the parents are motivated to make the kids do their homework at this late date? Seriously, people. WTHeckadoodle?
9. Suitcases don't unpack themselves. Neither do carry-on bags.
10. NCIS is more addictive than pistachios. Abby said so, and she wouldn't lie, would she?
11. It's not really laughing unless you're snorting and peeing your pants.
12. Mark Twain's wit and wisdom is timeless. To (hehe) wit:
"Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off until the day after tomorrow."
"A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read."
"Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often."
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
"Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today."
"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear."
"Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest."
"Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live."
"Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream."
"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please."
"Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life."
"Humor is mankind's greatest blessing."
"I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places."
"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog."
"Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see."
"Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late."
"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up."
"The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year."
"The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter."
"The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause."
"To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble."
"We are all alike, on the inside."
"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce."
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."
"Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been."
"You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus."
13. The street in front of your house will be empty of moving vehicles only until you try to back out of your driveway.
14. Every grown woman should have a BFF.
15. It's not ever possible to have too much chocolate. And nuts? They just take up space where more chocolate should be in that chocolate candy bar.
16. Children are always a joy and a blessing, especially when they are busy being a frustration.
17. Your Mommy never ever stops being your Mommy. Ever.
18. Live, laugh, love. Laugh, love, live. Love, live, laugh. The order doesn't matter.
19. Rejoice in your silver hair---you earned every strand.
20. If you can't be a good example, be a horrible warning.