Friday, June 04, 2010

Top Signs That You Are A Mother

1. You routinely mix up your kids' names.

2. You say the same things to your kids that your mother said to you---the very things that you vowed never to repeat. Things like, "Don't make me pull this car over" and "If 'Joe' jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?" and "I have a bar of soap with your name on it" and "Don't make me come over there" and "I don't care what 'Joe's' parents let him do, I'm not raising him. I am, however, raising YOU."

3. You can drive to all the schools your children attend...with your eyes closed. (Not recommended, for obvious reasons.)

4. You have the schools on speed dial.

5. You recognize which kid slammed into the house by the way the door slammed and the accompanying stomping.

6. You've perfected The Look...and you're not afraid to use it on anyone---kids, your own and their friends; dogs; cats; husbands; other adults as necessary.

7. You can tell by the pitch and tenor of your kid's voice whether blood is spurting or a bone is poking out somewhere it shouldn't.

8. You often call the kids by the dog's name, and the dog by the kids' names.

9. You can hear the cookie jar lid being lifted by a sneaky hand from 2 houses down.

10. You would throw yourself in front of a speeding, runaway bus to shove your kid to safety.

11. Your kids' hurts are your hurts; their joys are your joys; their triumphs are your triumphs.

Yeah, baby. That's what it's all about.


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